A True Friend

There are a few people in my life i have wronged. Some deliberately and others are hurt by because i fall short as a friend, a son or a husband. Some of these people have unconditional love for me and forgive no matter what. Within a family unit it is assumed and often maintained but many times friends will leave and fail to forgive me and i just write them off as its their loss. Recently someone has reentered my life as a true friend. A woman who has every right within the world to despise me and desire my own downfall but somewhere long the road she found it in herself to forgive my wrongs that i know hurt her so deeply and has stood by me as a true friend. Someone who knows me better than anyone else, someone who once loved me enough to marry me and i betrayed her. Kel has reentered my life recently as a good friend and i can hardly fathom why? im grateful for the amazing friend i have but can't get my head around the forgiveness she has extended to me. What a woman .

Back to Camp

So this Blog has more become my own personal Travels with God rather than actual travels around the country or the world. But its far more exciting this way. So The last post talks of the hopelessness I am feeling on the battlefield fighting for what I believe and I am now starting to come to terms with it. The battle field left me disheartened and exhausted, i felt stranded and useless on the field i was no longer fighting i was probably doing more harm than good so i have decided to return to base camp so to speak.
Whilst maintaining the metaphor of the battle field and the armour of God i need to head back to camp and recuperate refit the armour, grow stronger and learn from this experience so that i can serve my Lord to my full abilities rather than giving the half arse pitiful exhausted effort i was giving.
So i have given up the Cube that was the battle field for me. I pray hard that the troops i have left on that field can withstand the array of attacks that knocked me to the ground but for now i can not serve that ministry effectively so i must take a break from it. I have started looking at other Church's in My local area (Crows Nest) Church's that have strong mature Christians around my own age who can encourage me when i re enter the field. I have removed those from my life who live their lives in such a destructive manner that they not only damage themselves but damage me as well. For Now it seams to be working i just pray that when the time comes I'm not Gun shy and too scared to re enter the battle field.

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.

And the Second is like it.

Growing up in Christian Circles you will know what the tittle is in relation too. The second commandment "love you neighbour as yourself" the fist of course is "Love the Lord your God with all your heart all your mind and all your soul" Countless sermons have focused on the first and how difficult we as simple mankind struggle to keep the first. Whilst i never claim to be perfect at executing the first recent times have shown that the second is in fact the more difficult to obey.
Still only a Child in my walk with God i still feel i am somewhat of a veteran when it comes to the raging battle for Christ, in the early days loving your neighbour seems so easy and at the surface level still is for me. Every day i give up my seat on the bus for the Pregnant lady who gets on, countless breakdowns, house moving and late night jump starts fill my weeks. I have a heart for people and feel the calling to head out into the world and show the world Christs love. However after years on the battlefield, following the call of Christ and ample weeks and dollars out on the mission field now my Shield is riddled with the fiery darts of the enemy as my knees are kicked in from behind me by those who i believed would unconditionally support me.
Time and time again I executed Patience, compassion and outright love with those closest to me. They came to me for advise and outright ignored it, they refused to acknowledge the weaknesses they face and justify those weaknesses amongst themselves, they wallow in a repulsive lifestyles and tell themselves they are good people for it. "life is about you and what you can get from it" they dont worry about who gets hurt, dont think of the consequences of actions and good honest people of this world get wounded as a direct result of that behaviour yet they care not.
These people are the mission field they are the ones that are so desperately looking for something in their lives, lieing to themselves telling themselves thay are happy. But how long must i battle for them, to change their lives you make yourself venerable you open yourself up to be hurt and rejected and the trouble with the crappy human race is they will pounce on that and rip you to shreds.

Im covered in scars from the battle, my armour lays scattered across the bloodstained sand of the battle field, my flesh exposed and wounded, i have seen no fruit and all i hear is the calling to pick the amour back up and keep fighting for them. Why? to what end? How do i keep fighting? How do i love my neighbour who so quickly turns and attacks me in spite of my love.