Back to Battle

I feel i was tricked into returning to the Cube a little but I'm OK with that. It is my mission field. It is however something that at first i was reluctant to do but now with the Task placed before me and a few days to ponder it I'm fired up for it. I have not attended Cube for some time as i am furious at so many of them and the shallow existence they live. People who put on one front for a Sunday evening and as soon as they walk out the door indulge in sleeping with whoever they want, binge drinking, drug use, alcohol abuse and other such self driven bull shit. Sunday nights they announce they are believers in Christ and Monday to Saturday they refuse to live it with no thought for who they are hurting. These same people get together ever week and claim to be a community of love and proceed to bully the younger ones, segregate, bitch and gossip and cause rifts through all the hard work so many have put into it. Well my first week back and i have been handed the sword. I was asked to speak on the issues with the group, the shallowness of it and hopefully get them to take this a little more seriously. Get ready guys i have no intention of holding back, I'm hurt and angry and was just handed an opportunity to tell you what i really think. None of you will like it but its what you need to hear. Sunday night I will unleash my fire upon them.

Something Addictive

You may or may not know that the picture on this page of the tattoo across the back is in fact a photo of my back. The tattoo idea has always appealed to me however i have always maintained that to ink yourself with something that will last for the remainder of your life it should have meaning to you. It should represent you and what you live by or reflect you, make a statement or whatever ever, i feel that a persons reasons for them are not important but also feel its equally important to have a reason for it. so many people running around with tattoos on them that mean nothing. I am slowly stating to understand this now. Tattoos are addictive i started with the one on my back to make a statement about my faith. The ones to follow concern me, will i ever get to a point where enough is enough, i doubt it and maybe one day i will be overrun with tattoos that mean absolutely nothing.

Whilst back at Camp

Whilst back at my metaphorical camp i have found that many of the other warriors in this army are still here with me. They saw me fall and came to my rescue, they have dragged me back to camp and collected my amour on the way back. Now as a team we are rebuilding me. I have now realised a few vital things with this group. The first is that i was battling at my limit. I listened to sermon this morning about not operating at our capacity rather then our limit. I feel there is so much in this world i can do something about, everything from extreme poverty and human trafficking through to fundraising for cancer research and Kidney Health but I took on too much in recent times. I exhausted all of my resources and when a disaster hit with the work i was doing with the Cube i was already working at my limit and had no room to budge so i just collapsed. When I'm ready to head back into the battle field i will pick one thing and pursue just the one thing.
The other realisation i have come too is that whilst i am wounded in this battle i am not the only one. My loyal Christian friends have stuck by me through thick and thin and helped me through this hard time but looking at them and the journey they have walked they also need me.
I look at those who have lifted me up, given me advise and carried me on this path when i could not walk this journey. All of them men and women of Faith, unconditional love for me and i would not swap my team of support for any other. People who i just arrive at their house unannounced and am always welcome people who i can just hang out with, watch the football with and talk through my issues with. They are an amazing team that surround me and i am now stuck with a hard call.
I have no passion left for the Cube. Whilst i felt called to do that at one point i don't any more i feel i have done as much as i can there and my energy needs to be focused somewhere else so it's time to work a few things out. Firstly am i ready yet and if so what one mission do i pursue.

A True Story

CHISINAU, Moldova and CHICO, California — “They brought us to a hotel and led us up a staircase — seven floors.

"I remember … wondering when they would let me go to my sister. The big Russian woman led us into a room with couches against the walls. There were men sitting, talking, drinking tea, laughing on the couches. One girl started to cry silently. I suddenly understood what was happening.

"They made the first girl stand in the middle of the room. They ordered her to take off her top. She hesitated so they beat her. Then it was my turn. I lifted my top for a second and pulled it right down. Then I noticed the curtains fluttering out the open window…. Time slowed. I heard a ringing in my ears and the room faded. I remember that I said a prayer — ‘God give me wings.’ I ran across the room and jumped over the men on the couch and out the window.”

When Marina woke up in the hospital she had shattered one leg and broken the other. She had a concussion and some internal bleeding. It was only then that she discovered that the Russian woman she had paid to take her to Italy had taken her to Istanbul instead and sold her to modern-day slavers. She was one of several women being auctioned to brothel owners when she jumped out the hotel window.