Kidney Kar Rally

I have waited a while to blog about this one because I was waiting for the photos to turn up on the Kidney Health Australia website and they are now finally up. In August i spent close to two weeks traveling five thousand kilometers across this beautiful country via dirt roads. I was an entrant in Kar 56 in the 2010 Kidney Kar Rally.

The event is a fundraiser for Kidney health Australia and attracts car enthusiasts and more predominately rally enthusiasts from across the country who all unite in raising funds for Kidney Kids Camps which are held for children aged seven to seventeen who are effected by Kidney Disease. Each year this amazing group gets together and competes across the country all in the name of Fundraising for this fantastic cause.

In 2010 the rally started in Swan Hill Victoria in mid monsoonal weather and saw the next two weeks take us through South Australia, The Flanders Rangers, up into Queensland and then back into NSW. The rain made this event interesting and added to the experience of camping in a swag.

The Rally barley touches the asphalt roads and takes us through days of off road, waterlogged, groat trails and country dirt roads. The Rally is taken seriously with many vehicles crashing, rolling braking down or having other sorts of issues all of which add to the experience. Each Vehicle is fitted out for the ordeal with roll cages, navigational equipment (for the co driver) four point harnesses and the beloved orange flashing light to name a few. Teams have to build and fund the vehicles themselves which makes the fundraising that much more impressive as I estimate each teams minimum set up costs to be around $7 Grand per car.

In 2010 the combined efforts of all the competitors and fundraisers raise $500 thousand. And Im proud to say i was part of that.

I Can Take it

I will admit a significant period of time has lapsed since writing on this and that has been caused by many distractions however it has been nice to realise how may people do keep a spare eye on my Blog as at social outings I have heard the question asked "So you have not posted any blog posts in the past new weeks?" Well my friends wait no more here it is the all new and improved Blog post.
Sorry for amping that up a bit unfortunately this post has very little in the way of life or world changing progress to report on at this stage or at least that which i am willing to report on this blog (past experience has taught me that some aspects to my life a best off kept to myself for a while (not that I'm doing a very good job at that))
So I have decided to post a little on the where i am at now and how i plan to take on the challenges to come. The past few months were hard, challenging and immensely rewarding. The Lord has taught me a few lessons I simply did not want to learn however the advantage of Sovereignty is i don't get too much of a say and his will be done. So after months of battling through that, harbouring and releasing bitterness, developing my identity and all the other academically boring stuff that has gone on i am now in a good place which God, my faith and majority of those important to me.

The minor hick up i am now facing is that whilst battling though the more difficult times i assumed in the back of my head "once i get though this little bit it will be OK" and was not expecting to be in a place that i feel is where i am meant to be and still be on the receiving end of criticism. My personality does not handle that overly well I take any form of criticism as a personal attack on me (unfortunately some people know this and deliberately do it in an attempt to hurt to me) One such in counter came a few weeks back where i had laid out what of thought of someones behaviour and challenged them on it. The response i received was the one i expected of hostility and in an attempt to remove the attention from themselves to me, spat out the accusation that i led a meaningless and pointless life. Fortunately others were involved in the in counter and it defused quickly. I am not overly bothered by that comment because i know that at just 25 i have already changed the world and i have many more years ahead of me to do more. God has not finished with me yet.

I have concluded however i do need to work on the receiving of criticism as i came to a very serious realisation this week and it came from my mentor through the Church. He said
"If no one criticises you, then you have not impacted anything" For someone to stand up and have a go at me it means that I must of some how impacted them. The statement in its self "you live a meaningless life" is contradicted by the fact that obviously my actions mean something to my critic otherwise they would not bother to comment. So I am OK with it, I'm no pew sitter, I am changing the world and if you want to have a whinge at me about it feel free.

Back to Battle

I feel i was tricked into returning to the Cube a little but I'm OK with that. It is my mission field. It is however something that at first i was reluctant to do but now with the Task placed before me and a few days to ponder it I'm fired up for it. I have not attended Cube for some time as i am furious at so many of them and the shallow existence they live. People who put on one front for a Sunday evening and as soon as they walk out the door indulge in sleeping with whoever they want, binge drinking, drug use, alcohol abuse and other such self driven bull shit. Sunday nights they announce they are believers in Christ and Monday to Saturday they refuse to live it with no thought for who they are hurting. These same people get together ever week and claim to be a community of love and proceed to bully the younger ones, segregate, bitch and gossip and cause rifts through all the hard work so many have put into it. Well my first week back and i have been handed the sword. I was asked to speak on the issues with the group, the shallowness of it and hopefully get them to take this a little more seriously. Get ready guys i have no intention of holding back, I'm hurt and angry and was just handed an opportunity to tell you what i really think. None of you will like it but its what you need to hear. Sunday night I will unleash my fire upon them.

Something Addictive

You may or may not know that the picture on this page of the tattoo across the back is in fact a photo of my back. The tattoo idea has always appealed to me however i have always maintained that to ink yourself with something that will last for the remainder of your life it should have meaning to you. It should represent you and what you live by or reflect you, make a statement or whatever ever, i feel that a persons reasons for them are not important but also feel its equally important to have a reason for it. so many people running around with tattoos on them that mean nothing. I am slowly stating to understand this now. Tattoos are addictive i started with the one on my back to make a statement about my faith. The ones to follow concern me, will i ever get to a point where enough is enough, i doubt it and maybe one day i will be overrun with tattoos that mean absolutely nothing.

Whilst back at Camp

Whilst back at my metaphorical camp i have found that many of the other warriors in this army are still here with me. They saw me fall and came to my rescue, they have dragged me back to camp and collected my amour on the way back. Now as a team we are rebuilding me. I have now realised a few vital things with this group. The first is that i was battling at my limit. I listened to sermon this morning about not operating at our capacity rather then our limit. I feel there is so much in this world i can do something about, everything from extreme poverty and human trafficking through to fundraising for cancer research and Kidney Health but I took on too much in recent times. I exhausted all of my resources and when a disaster hit with the work i was doing with the Cube i was already working at my limit and had no room to budge so i just collapsed. When I'm ready to head back into the battle field i will pick one thing and pursue just the one thing.
The other realisation i have come too is that whilst i am wounded in this battle i am not the only one. My loyal Christian friends have stuck by me through thick and thin and helped me through this hard time but looking at them and the journey they have walked they also need me.
I look at those who have lifted me up, given me advise and carried me on this path when i could not walk this journey. All of them men and women of Faith, unconditional love for me and i would not swap my team of support for any other. People who i just arrive at their house unannounced and am always welcome people who i can just hang out with, watch the football with and talk through my issues with. They are an amazing team that surround me and i am now stuck with a hard call.
I have no passion left for the Cube. Whilst i felt called to do that at one point i don't any more i feel i have done as much as i can there and my energy needs to be focused somewhere else so it's time to work a few things out. Firstly am i ready yet and if so what one mission do i pursue.

A True Story

CHISINAU, Moldova and CHICO, California — “They brought us to a hotel and led us up a staircase — seven floors.

"I remember … wondering when they would let me go to my sister. The big Russian woman led us into a room with couches against the walls. There were men sitting, talking, drinking tea, laughing on the couches. One girl started to cry silently. I suddenly understood what was happening.

"They made the first girl stand in the middle of the room. They ordered her to take off her top. She hesitated so they beat her. Then it was my turn. I lifted my top for a second and pulled it right down. Then I noticed the curtains fluttering out the open window…. Time slowed. I heard a ringing in my ears and the room faded. I remember that I said a prayer — ‘God give me wings.’ I ran across the room and jumped over the men on the couch and out the window.”

When Marina woke up in the hospital she had shattered one leg and broken the other. She had a concussion and some internal bleeding. It was only then that she discovered that the Russian woman she had paid to take her to Italy had taken her to Istanbul instead and sold her to modern-day slavers. She was one of several women being auctioned to brothel owners when she jumped out the hotel window.

A True Friend

There are a few people in my life i have wronged. Some deliberately and others are hurt by because i fall short as a friend, a son or a husband. Some of these people have unconditional love for me and forgive no matter what. Within a family unit it is assumed and often maintained but many times friends will leave and fail to forgive me and i just write them off as its their loss. Recently someone has reentered my life as a true friend. A woman who has every right within the world to despise me and desire my own downfall but somewhere long the road she found it in herself to forgive my wrongs that i know hurt her so deeply and has stood by me as a true friend. Someone who knows me better than anyone else, someone who once loved me enough to marry me and i betrayed her. Kel has reentered my life recently as a good friend and i can hardly fathom why? im grateful for the amazing friend i have but can't get my head around the forgiveness she has extended to me. What a woman .

Back to Camp

So this Blog has more become my own personal Travels with God rather than actual travels around the country or the world. But its far more exciting this way. So The last post talks of the hopelessness I am feeling on the battlefield fighting for what I believe and I am now starting to come to terms with it. The battle field left me disheartened and exhausted, i felt stranded and useless on the field i was no longer fighting i was probably doing more harm than good so i have decided to return to base camp so to speak.
Whilst maintaining the metaphor of the battle field and the armour of God i need to head back to camp and recuperate refit the armour, grow stronger and learn from this experience so that i can serve my Lord to my full abilities rather than giving the half arse pitiful exhausted effort i was giving.
So i have given up the Cube that was the battle field for me. I pray hard that the troops i have left on that field can withstand the array of attacks that knocked me to the ground but for now i can not serve that ministry effectively so i must take a break from it. I have started looking at other Church's in My local area (Crows Nest) Church's that have strong mature Christians around my own age who can encourage me when i re enter the field. I have removed those from my life who live their lives in such a destructive manner that they not only damage themselves but damage me as well. For Now it seams to be working i just pray that when the time comes I'm not Gun shy and too scared to re enter the battle field.

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.

And the Second is like it.

Growing up in Christian Circles you will know what the tittle is in relation too. The second commandment "love you neighbour as yourself" the fist of course is "Love the Lord your God with all your heart all your mind and all your soul" Countless sermons have focused on the first and how difficult we as simple mankind struggle to keep the first. Whilst i never claim to be perfect at executing the first recent times have shown that the second is in fact the more difficult to obey.
Still only a Child in my walk with God i still feel i am somewhat of a veteran when it comes to the raging battle for Christ, in the early days loving your neighbour seems so easy and at the surface level still is for me. Every day i give up my seat on the bus for the Pregnant lady who gets on, countless breakdowns, house moving and late night jump starts fill my weeks. I have a heart for people and feel the calling to head out into the world and show the world Christs love. However after years on the battlefield, following the call of Christ and ample weeks and dollars out on the mission field now my Shield is riddled with the fiery darts of the enemy as my knees are kicked in from behind me by those who i believed would unconditionally support me.
Time and time again I executed Patience, compassion and outright love with those closest to me. They came to me for advise and outright ignored it, they refused to acknowledge the weaknesses they face and justify those weaknesses amongst themselves, they wallow in a repulsive lifestyles and tell themselves they are good people for it. "life is about you and what you can get from it" they dont worry about who gets hurt, dont think of the consequences of actions and good honest people of this world get wounded as a direct result of that behaviour yet they care not.
These people are the mission field they are the ones that are so desperately looking for something in their lives, lieing to themselves telling themselves thay are happy. But how long must i battle for them, to change their lives you make yourself venerable you open yourself up to be hurt and rejected and the trouble with the crappy human race is they will pounce on that and rip you to shreds.

Im covered in scars from the battle, my armour lays scattered across the bloodstained sand of the battle field, my flesh exposed and wounded, i have seen no fruit and all i hear is the calling to pick the amour back up and keep fighting for them. Why? to what end? How do i keep fighting? How do i love my neighbour who so quickly turns and attacks me in spite of my love.

A dark Place

You plan your life out
you live your life to the standards you feel are right
you take on everyones advise and filter it
you decide what you think is best and walk down the road you feel is right
then like a kick in the chest the road beneath you falls away
you can still see where you were aiming
there is no way you can make it there
Life must Change but before you get to that realiseation
you have cried on a daily basis
you have screamed at God on hilltops
you have lost all self worth
you have lost you drive to live.
You have watched you veins pulse
you have driven a syringe of a deadly concoction into your forearm
you have faced death without fear and begged for it to come
you know only a few short moments of vomit and seizure will be the last pain you could ever feel

Then God steps in a smacks you in the lip
"learn the lesson you fool
i don't plan for your destruction i have something better for you"
You don't believe it
How can there be any light
That is the beauty of Faith You can only see darkness
you can only feel worthless
you can only hand it over to God and trust he will build you up again.

I am worth something
I am Gods child
I am a good person
I do not come up short
I am worth my weight in gold
I am a gift to this world
I am the way i am because God made me this way
I will achieve greatness
I will be happy again
There is someone out there who will love me for me
There is someone God has chosen for me.

How much do i believe this.
I'm still working on it